


A small step ...

by chameleon_soul



Category: Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 21:28:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4580772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chameleon_soul/pseuds/chameleon_soul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hotsuma feels like there is a gap between him and Shusei and he just wants to be close to the brunet boy anew ...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A small step ...

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters.
> 
> Author's note: I wrote this fic based on someone's drawing. Sadly I don't remember anymore whose it was or have a link to it but this fic is gifted to the creator of that drawing. I think the person's account name was something like "mitsiu" or so ...

** A small step … **

Hotsuma entered the room, his gameboy in hand, game locked into the device and awaiting just his action of switching on the gameboy and sending power to the game card.

 

But for now Hotsuma’s attention got drawn to his childhood friend and partner sitting on the couch. Papers were strewn about, littering the empty space on the couch Shusei sat on and the table top in front of the boy.

 

“I don’t get why you keep reading so damn much papers,” Hotsuma commented gruffly, settling himself down on the vacant one-seat couch across from Shusei. “Can’t you just pick one and be done with it?”

 

Shusei’s eyes looked up, gazing at Hotsuma from behind his reading glasses for a moment before they settled back on the paper in his hands. “I’m looking for signs of demonic power or demonic crimes. You know that,” he reprimanded Hotsuma.

 

“Okay,” Hotsuma drawled out the word, “but can’t you do that by reading just one paper?”

 

“Papers don’t all cover the same news. A seemingly small item can be forgotten by one paper but picked up by the other,” Shusei justified, his attention staying glued on the paper whilst flipping through the pages.

 

“I still say it is a waste of time,” Hotsuma replied, switching on his gameboy. A small cheery sound filled the room, alerting both occupants of the device having come to live. “I mean, if anything demonic does happen, the police will be knocking on our front door anyway.”

 

Shusei’s eyes left the paper and came to settle again on his blond partner. “I like to be prepared,” he said.

 

Hotsuma punched in a few buttons – starting the loading of his saved game – and then looked up, meeting Shusei’s gaze. “And there’s nothing wrong with being prepared, but you also have to take some time for yourself now and then. It seems like every time I see you, you’ve got your head in some paper or in some school book. You’re too uptight, Shusei. You need to learn to relax and enjoy life now and then.”

 

Shusei’s eyebrows rose a bit as Hotsuma sprouted his philosophical knowledge. He took his reading glasses off and placed them on the small table in front of him. “And what kind of relaxation would you suggest?” he asked, a small smile playing around his mouth and his eyes twinkling mischievously.

 

Hotsuma stared back, uneasy. The way Shusei had said the word ‘relaxation’ had made it sound as if his friend had dirty ideas on his mind concerning what Shusei saw as a good idea for relaxation. He gulped and cursed silently as he felt his cheeks heating up. “I don’t know,” he answered, doing his best not to let his voice break. “Play a game?” he suggested innocently, but apparently his partner didn’t take that proposal the same way.

 

Shusei leaned foreword, his smile widening. “And what game would you suggest, Hotsuma?”

 

Hotsuma’s eyes widened. Had Shusei just purred his name? He took a quick glance around the room, not sure if he was checking for someone to come and save him or to make sure they were definitely alone. His eyes returned restlessly back to Shusei’s face.

 

“What’s wrong, Hotsuma?” Shusei leaned even closer. “You look like the cat’s got your tongue.”

 

Okay, that was definitely a purr there, Hotsuma’s mind told him helpfully. He stared at his partner, not sure what to make out of all of this. Yes, Shusei had always had a playful side to him, but it had never been this predatory, had it?

 

Hotsuma also leaned over the table and brought his hand to Shusei’s forehead, checking the boy’s temperature.

 

“What are you doing?” Shusei asked, blinking confused but allowing the action.

 

“I’m checking whether you’ve come down with something. Have you been eating properly? Have you been going to your check-ups with Isuzu? Was Isuzu concerned about something? Are you sure you are completely healed from our last fight?” Hotsuma fired off his questions, concern evident in his voice but it only made Shusei laugh and gently brush Hotsuma’s hand aside.

 

“I’m not joking here, Shusei!” Hotsuma shouted annoyed, a glare directed at his partner. “I know you skipped breakfast yesterday,” an accusing finger got pointed in Shusei’s direction.

 

Shusei sighed and leaned back into the couch, scooping up his reading glasses in the process and his paper. “I’m fine. I ate out. With the rest of the school committee,” he responded, flipping the paper open and signalling like this to Hotsuma that this discussion was over.

 

Hotsuma also pulled back, his eyes staying on his partner, trying to read on Shusei’s face whether his friend was telling the truth or not. As always Shusei’s mask was firm in place and not a single thing could be read off his impassive looking face.

 

Hotsuma pouted. After their talk concerning the Ashley debacle, he had been sure that things from there on would have been smooth sailing, but everyday it seemed like Shusei just proved him wrong. And lately it seemed like they couldn’t even be in a single room together anymore without one of the two becoming annoyed with the other and it annoyed him. He wanted things back to how they were. The easiness they had once shared. The moving together as one.

 

Hotsuma sighed quietly and let his eyes fall on his forgotten computer screen. The load was ready and just waiting for him to press ‘start’, but he didn’t feel like playing any more. He wanted to talk to Shusei. He wanted to know what was going on in his stubborn partner’s head. He wanted to know what had just happened. What that intensity had been in the room. That electricity between them that had nearly been touchable.

 

A quick glance upwards crushed any courage Hotsuma had in broaching the subject again. Shusei was completely emerged in his newspaper and ignoring him completely.

 

Hotsuma sighed again and started his game instead. Gaming was easy. You tried and if you failed you just rebooted the game and started over. There was no messing it up. No mistakes that couldn’t be corrected. Gaming was safe. And fun … Or at least it had been fun. If anyone had asked him months ago what his greatest passions were than he would have told them Shusei and gaming. As long as he had those two, he was in heaven. But currently one of his passions was interfering with his other passion and he had no idea how to fix it.

 

Tsukumo had told him to talk to Shusei but that was easier said than done. Shusei treated his conversations – when the topic really mattered anyway – as if he were playing a chess game with his life at stake. His partner always weighed off his words and seemed to play tactical, making him quickly lose the treat of their conversation and leaving him just as clueless behind as when they’d started their talk.

 

Katsumi had suggested cooking Shusei’s favourite plate; after all, a man’s love did go through his stomach. Yet he had been doubtful. Food wasn’t a big passion in Shusei’s life, he couldn’t cook to save his life and it wasn’t like he was trying to win Shusei’s love. Just his partner’s friendship and presence in his life again. The easiness from before.

 

Isuzu had slipped him a love potion. Someone in the Mansion obviously having told on him to their resident doctor or Isuzu having eavesdropped a conversation here or there. Not that it mattered. He’d be damned to poison his long live partner with one of Isuzu’s concoctions. He’d thrown the potion in the first bin he’d come across.

 

Toko – yes, he’d been desperate enough to ask her for advice – had suggested a romantic picnic, some quiet time alone. And so, one evening he had lured Shusei outside for a private picnic under the stars. Shusei hadn’t eaten much of the food, but they had spend a nice, quiet evening together, gazing up at the stars as they used to do. And for a short time everything seemed to have gone back to how it had been before, but then something had happened – and he still had no clue as to what exactly had gone wrong – and both had retreated to their rooms separately, feeling just as awkward as they’d done before the picnic.

 

Tachibana – yep, his desperation had slowly reached a new level – had given him a magazine and Takashiro’s credit card, telling him to let himself go and buy everything to his heart content. He’d accepted the magazine and the card, convinced their resident manager had taken pity on him and had given him a magazine with the latest games and allowing him to buy some to lift his spirit again. But when he had opened the magazine in his room, his face had seen all the possible colours and uptil today he still couldn’t look at Tachibana without thinking of the shopping magazine the man had given him and that hadn’t contained games at all. Well, it had contained items for games played by two, but not the games he was into nor his partner was into. Then again …

 

Hotsuma’s eyes peeked suspiciously over his gameboy back at Shusei. His friend seemingly had been having different ideas about what ‘playing a game’ meant than he did. Would Shusei truly be interested in him like that? No, that was impossible. Shusei was perfect. Straight A student, role model, kind, talented, caring, … what would someone as wonderful as Shusei ever see in a hoodlum as him? Besides, Shusei dated girls. He was as straight as hell. No, Shusei had just been teasing him, nothing more.

 

Dejected Hotsuma’s attention returned to his gaming screen. His knight had just reached the castle where the princess was held hostage. All that was left was battling his way through the hordes of monsters to the highest floor, defeat the final boss there and then his knight and the princess could live happily ever after.

 

A new pout appeared on Hotsuma’s face as once again the game confronted him with the ugly truth. He and Shusei hadn’t gotten their ‘happily ever after’ after he had saved his partner. Then again, Shusei wasn’t exactly a princess …

 

A chuckle escaped Hotsuma as he imaged Shusei dressed as a princess and calling helplessly out for him to come and save him. His princess Shusei would never do that. His princess Shusei would rip the dress shorter so he wouldn’t fall over the fabric, direct Hotsuma’s attacks and get some punches in himself. Nope, Shusei definitely wasn’t a helpless princess.

 

“What’s so funny?”

 

“Huh?” Hotsuma looked up and confused eyes gazed at Shusei. His partner’s eyebrows were raised questioningly while his interested gaze was directed at him and no longer at the paper in his hands.

 

“You were laughing,” Shusei pointed out.

 

“Oh,” Hotsuma blushed. He couldn’t very well tell Shusei what he had just been thinking about. It would only put Shusei in a foul mood and make things between them even more awkward. “Nothing.”

 

“Nothing,” Shusei repeated disbelieving, his eyebrows rising even higher.

 

“Nothing important. Just gaming stuff,” Hotsuma lied. Okay, so that technically wasn’t a lie. He had been thinking in the lines of princesses and knights and he and Shusei so weren’t any of those two roles. Maybe if they had been, things would have been easier.

 

Shusei kept his eyes trained on Hotsuma a bit longer, making the younger boy nervously start to fidget under his partner’s scrutinizing gaze. He opened his mouth to say something to Hotsuma, then seemed to think better of it and just returned his attention back to his paper with a slight shake of his head, leaving a dumbfound Hotsuma staring at him.

 

What the hell had just happened?! Hotsuma’s mind screamed out. Shusei had been on the verge of saying something and then had decided to shut him out and keep quiet. An angry pout appeared on his face and he huffed as he slouched in the couch. Shusei never kept things from him - beside those hundred and one secrets the older boy held and sometimes were visible in his partner’s eyes without really spelling out what those secrets were. But Shusei had never kept quiet about something that had been running through the boy’s mind during a normal conversation. And in a strange way it felt to Hotsuma as if Shusei had just pushed him outside and locked the door in front of Hotsuma’s shocked face before he had gotten even the chance to protest.

 

Hotsuma’s eyes darted through the room, taking in the furniture, wallpaper, ornaments and other stuff present. Nope he was still there. Shusei hadn’t kicked him out. They were still sitting together, a huge ravine separating them figuratively speaking and a small coffee table in reality.

 

An idea popped up into Hotsuma’s head and slowly, barely unnoticeable, he started to shift his own couch closer to Shusei’s while he pretended to be doing nothing other than playing his game which was a huge lie cause truth of the matter was that his knight had perished already during the assault on the second floor. But there was no reason for Shusei having to know this.

 

Shusei kept his eyes focussed on his paper, pretending to read, but his mind was focussed on his partner who was slowly but steadily making an approach in his direction. Hotsuma made a huge spectacle of concealing what the boy was doing, but Shusei didn’t get how his friend still thought that he had no clue about what was happening since the same ‘game over’ music had been playing for the last few minutes now. But he didn’t point this out to his partner, curious to what Hotsuma had in mind and also feeling a strange anticipation in the pit of his stomach. Nervous butterflies were stretching their wings in his stomach - their silken wings caressing the inside of his stomach walls and sending vibrations through him - and getting ready to take off.

 

Finally the Hotsuma-occupied couch stood beside Shusei’s.

 

“Tachibana isn’t going to be pleased with the dragging tracks you made into the floor,” Shusei spoke up, his eyes still refusing to meet his partner’s and staying glued on the paper instead.

 

“I don’t care,” Hotsuma stubbornly replied, settling himself better in his couch and continuing his pretence of actually playing his game.

 

Shusei’s eyebrow rose again and he looked incredulously at his friend. Last time Tachibana had given Hotsuma a lecture, the blond had been sulking about it for days.

 

Hotsuma met Shusei’s stare determinedly, a dark stubbornness settling over the blond’s face. “I really don’t,” he repeated hotly, not sure who he was trying to convince here. Himself or his partner.

 

Shusei shrugged and returned his attention to his paper. “It’s your funeral,” he muttered.

 

‘Yes, it is,’ Hotsuma thought crossly, his mouth set grimly. His eyes came to rest on the screen of his gameboy again without really taking note of it. He was sitting closer now to Shusei but there was still a distance between them. He still felt too far off of his partner.

 

Carefully, as to not be caught, Hotsuma peeked at Shusei and the couch the other was sitting on. It was a two seat, they could easily fit on it together, but Shusei had taken away that option by spreading his papers over the empty spot. Hotsuma wondered if Shusei had done it on purpose, having foreseen he’d come hanging around his partner and Shusei wanting to avoid having him near. No, that was ridiculous. His friend would never do such a thing. But it still didn’t solve the problem of papers actually occupying the spot that should be his.

 

“Will you stop glaring at the papers. I’d hate to have them combust and have to explain to Tachibana why we need a new living room.”

 

Hotsuma blushed, his eyes peeking up at Shusei, but the other boy wasn’t even looking at him. ‘Damn him and his love relation with those damn papers,’ Hotsuma thought sourly. Tomorrow he’d get up early and intercept the mail and let all the papers disappear. That would teach those rotten papers for stealing his time with Shusei.

 

But that didn’t solve his problem now.

 

Hotsuma’s eyes returned back to the defenceless papers and suddenly grinned. He got up – letting his gameboy fall in the couch he had been sitting in – and started picking up the papers on the two-seat couch. His action caught Shusei’s attention.

 

“What are you doing?” Shusei asked, looking sideways at his friend and the papers in the blond’s hands.

 

“Making room,” Hotsuma replied as if it wasn’t obvious. He gathered all the papers in two neat piles, being careful not to mix the already read ones by Shusei with the papers that were still awaiting his partner’s scrutiny and then placed them on the small table. He straightened back up and looked triumphantly at the empty space on the couch beside Shusei. He gathered up his gameboy and let himself drop beside Shusei, giving his partner a defiant look that dared Shusei to object him sitting there.

 

Shusei just shook his head with a small smile and returned to his reading, his body tingling from having Hotsuma so near now, the other’s warmth pouring of the boy and caressing him even if they weren’t touching.

 

Satisfied Hotsuma loaded his game again and started anew, this time determined to actually get to his damn princess and finish the game. He still had a ton of games upstairs waiting for him to get to them and play them. But this was easier said then done. For some unknown reason he was now highly aware of Shusei flipping pages and he gradually found himself focussing more on when his friend flipped a page than on when a monster jumped his poor knight.

 

Hotsuma nearly growled in frustration. This was getting ridiculous. He and Shusei had been together in the same room a dozen times, him playing a game and Shusei quietly reading so why in God’s name was this interfering with his gaming now? It didn’t make any sense. Would Shusei notice it if he thunked his head a few times on the coffee table?

 

Hotsuma’s eyes glided to Shusei, assessing his friend   Probably. There wasn’t much that escaped his partner’s attention. He did groan now, alerting Shusei and making the older boy look up at him, confused and worried.

 

Hotsuma quickly averted his gaze, not wanting to be caught staring at Shusei. He couldn’t prevent however the blush that stained his cheeks.

 

“Is everything okay, Hotsuma?”

 

Shusei’s voice sounded concerned and it made Hotsuma’s heart ache. He just wanted to be close to his partner. Close to Shusei. He missed Shusei. But he couldn’t very well say this. They weren’t small kids anymore. He couldn’t just go and cling to his partner anymore.

 

“Hotsuma?”

 

The level of worry had increased in Shusei’s voice as his partner remained silent and it warmed Hotsuma’s heart. His partner still cared for him. Maybe all wasn’t yet lost. Maybe they could still make it work. Find their way to each other again.

 

“No, I’m fine,” Hotsuma answered. And he was. Now he was. This simple action. This simple question from his partner had been enough to lay his demons back to rest. To make him believe again. To give him hope again.

 

“Are you sure?” Shusei inquired, his eyes roaming searchingly over his friend’s face, looking for any signs that gave him a hint as to why his partner had uttered that strangled sound.

 

“Yes, it’s just …” Hotsuma blushed lightly as he took a deep breath to continue and try to get even closer to Shusei, having found the necessary courage to do so in his partner’s carrying concern. “It’s just this couch. I’m not sitting very comfortable. It’s hurting my back. Can I …” he faltered and averted his eyes before continuing with a dark red blush on his cheeks now, “can I lay my head in your lap?”

 

Shusei didn’t answer him and Hotsuma felt his heart drop down into the basement. Had he read his partner wrongly? Had Shusei’s concern only been the polite concern one team partner expressed to his partner as he needed his team mate in top condition should a new fight emerge?

 

The rustling of paper stabbed a new knife into Hotsuma’s heart. He wasn’t important to Shusei. Not like he wanted to be in any case. A stupid newspaper was more important to his childhood friend than him.

 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, getting up and wanting to flee the room only to be halted by Shusei’s hand closing around his wrist and halting his escape.

 

Hotsuma’s shocked eyes came to rest on his friend who was looking up at him, something sparkling in Shusei’s eyes he couldn’t name but that took his breath away.

 

“Well?” Shusei asked, a smile playing around his mouth as he gestured to his empty lap.

 

Empty lap … empty lap … Hotsuma’s eyes widened as his brain finally caught up with what his eyes were registering. Shusei hadn’t ignored him. Shusei didn’t find his paper more important than him. His friend had folded the newspaper and laid it away. That had been the paper rustling he had heard. God, he was such a fool. How could he have doubted Shusei?

 

A grin appeared on Hotsuma’s face and feeling giddy as a small child he settled himself back on the couch, sprawled out on it, with his head in Shusei’s lap. His partner’s hand automatically came up and started petting his hair.

 

A warm feeling spread all out through Hotsuma’s body, warming him from his head to his toes and he revealed in the feeling only his partner could provide him with. Feeling safe, loved and wanted.

 

Hotsuma brought his gameboy up and started on his third attempt to finally free his princess and give the woman her damn happily ever after.

 

He and Shusei hadn’t found it yet, but that was okay for now. Their happily every after would come. He was sure of it.

 

And it also didn’t matter that Shusei teasingly called him hopeless cause he was right where he wanted to be. He was home.

 

Today they had taken a small step, but a small step in the right direction. And for now – with Shusei’s hand in his hair – that was all that mattered.

 

THE END

 


End file.
